There is no doubt, I was born to be a meditator. I think all of us are in one way or the other. After all, meditation is nothing more than the art of fully consciously living. The art of being present. But to be present, silence is needed. A deep stillness. A state of being instead of doing.
And I also think that especially for introverts, this is a very natural behavior. Introspection is the very first thing you’ll learn when attending a meditation class. Find the universal abundance within yourself. As you see in most introverts, they like to be left alone. Inner abundance is not big news to them, we are craving solitude because we crave space to experience ourselves. But like many of us, living in an extroverted world, I wasn’t brought up in much appreciation for my self-isolating habits. Meditation wasn’t always as cool as it is today. So the path towards self-acceptance was long and extremely confusing.
The Introvert and the educational system
As a kid, I always felt different. I was shy, almost afraid to talk to people. My safe space was being alone in my room or playing in the forest, all by myself. I enjoyed stillness. Sitting outside in the afternoon sun and gazing at the sky, those were my moments of comfort and happiness. I didn’t necessarily need company, talking to myself was way more interesting than talking to others. I was happy when I was left alone.
Needless to say, adapting to school was an ongoing struggle for me. I was the dreamer in class. Constantly staring out of the window. Silently drifting away from the classroom. Slipping into imaginary worlds, full of adventure and magic. I had no problem blending out my surroundings. It was as if silence was always available, I could just slip of and enjoy the peace with filled my being at any moment.
Of course, the educational system didn’t tolerate such an attitude.. and so my teachers would interrupt my peace, wherever they found my attention wandering off and forced it back into the classroom.
Over time, I developed tactics to make it SEEM like I was listening, even though I wasn’t.
I started to stare at the teacher, instead of out the window, only to secretly dive back into my world of comfort and fascination. It was like playing hide and seek. I would enjoy the moment, then be forcefully pulled back.
My school certificates would state that I was too quiet, never participating enough, and too often lost in daydreams. My teachers really had a hard time dragging my attention back to the classroom. And I had a hard time watching my mind being put into chains.
Going through this process of evaluation, I spend years thinking that I was somehow inadequate. That I had to put in extra effort, to guide my mind and thoughts into the business that was expected of me. Into the way, everyone else’s minds were operating too. For some reason, it just wasn’t allowed to spend too much time in one’s head. It was impolite. And odd!
Why this extensive need for communication?
Consequently, I never learned to fully relax in social situations. I just didn’t understand why we had to talk so much. But I learned to adapt.. and I became good at talking.
But being around others always remained hard work.
Still, the only moments I could stop working and fully let go into being myself, was when I was alone. There was always some sort of communication expected. Something had to be said at any given time. Silence was awkward. As soon as there was silence.. people would start asking ‘What are you thinking now?’. – What an odd question! Is there anything more intimate than our personal thoughts? Is there any space more holy and sacred than our inner privacy?
And if someone asks what we are thinking, in 90% of the cases, they are not interested in our REAL thoughts but simply want the conversation to go on to avoid silence. And YOU have to quickly come up with something to say. Truth is.. most times when I am silently staring into distance, my mind is empty and I am enjoying it.
Have you ever wondered why silence is so unpleasant for most people? Why is it even perceived as awkward?
As I found out by studying this phenomenon, if there is no noise covering the obvious, silence comes and reveals everything! Not the silence is uncomfortable, but the situation which is disclosed by the lack of distraction. If you are not comfortable with a person, if there is any tension filling the room, it is not possible to ignore that tension, it is seemingly multiplied by the absence of noise. Silence is raw. It’s honest. And we are not used to that level of honesty.
If you feel really comfortable with someone.. there is no need for words. We’ve all experienced that, whether in friendships or relationships. And even though I AM a big fan of honest and inspiring conversation, what I absolutely can’t understand is unnecessary chatter. Talking for the sake of talking.
Discovering silence felt like coming home
I was 23 when I entered my first meditation class. Deeply confused about where my place was in this world, I was looking for refuge in Yoga. It sounded so promising, and I felt a profound appreciation for these ancient philosophies. Life didn’t make sense .. it seemed so pointless. An ongoing struggle and fight against the never-ending need to remove myself from our high functioning society and seek for real peace.
I had heard a lot about how difficult it was to calm the turbulent mind. I was expecting to be incredibly bored while sitting down, not allowed to move. But I wanted to try it anyway. The promises meditation held were so beautiful. People in meditation always looked so relaxed, so peaceful.
Instead, I couldn’t help but enjoy being in a room full of people without anyone claiming my attention. There was nothing to be said, nothing to be listened to. The energy of the moment was speaking for itself. It felt like coming home..
Not only was I permitted to withdraw my mind from the room and turn inwards, but I was specifically asked to do so!
I was cheerleaded on my way out and congratulated for successfully leaving.
I fell in love with silence. Again.
While sitting in meditation, most of us notice how fixated our attention is on outside stimulation. And it’s not surprising when you take a closer look at it. We are addicted to information and verbal exchange. For beginners, the greatest challenge lies in unlearning this external fixation and opening up to the infinite possibilities of the INNER dimensions.
Each and everyone of us humans on earth will sooner or later find that being fixed on the outside reflection, chasing material wealth or even the next relationship, will never bring that deep satisfaction, that sense of fulfillment and happiness we are all longing for. Instead it is found by turning inside our beautiful selves.
Meditation – the introverted way of socializing
For natural-born meditators, it is especially hard to get a feeling of acceptance while authentically acting on the need for undisturbed moments of introspection and silence. We seek the solitude to recharge. But more so our soul a break from the attention-demanding ways of society.
Now, let me be clear about this:
I am not trying to say introverts should spend their entire lives in meditation. What I AM saying, though, is that especially those amongst us, who feel awkwardly pressured to talk in social situations and choose solitude instead, might find a new perspective on being around people, by trying out shared meditation.
Meditation is a beautiful way of enjoying each other’s presence in a way that suits our natural gift of sharing energy instead of sharing words. Furthermore, it allows us to give in to that pull of introversion without feeling guilty or weird. Meditation enables us to unpack the wonders silence has to offer, which are so rich and fulfilling in nature.
As introverts, we are original pioneers, explorers of unknown territory. Those who haven’t felt the abundance of the inner world clearly won’t understand the beautiful richness of silence. That’s why it is crucial for us to keep exploring and help them understand the true beauty of silence by sharing our results and discoveries.
